Checking Ex's Networking app to see when she is home and safe to calm my anxiety 😣😣😣

hey y’all, I don’t even know how creepy and how fucked up what I’m doing is, which is why I haven’t even told my therapist.

but I had this major break up with a girl over a week ago and I just miss her so much to the point where I don’t even wanna go to our town center just because I don’t know if I’ll be able to control myself to not go to the places where she is usually at

She has this networking app where I helped her set up her Wi-Fi and I can see what devices are connected to the wifi so based on that, I can see if she’s working from home or if she’s out and about.

I’m not checking to see if she’s home in a creepy way to try and stalk her house or anything but in a way to relax my mind. I’m trying not to think about her anymore but every time I check the app and I see that she’s out late at the town center. I’m always so worried about her and her safety which I know I shouldn’t worry about but it’s just hard. So when I check the app and I see that she’s home I feel such relief because I know she’s safe and sound

I know I should delete the app and not check it anymore, but just wanting to make sure she’s safe keeps me from deleting the app. Some days I’ll go the whole day without checking it but then when I check my secondary Instagram (she blocked my main account) to check her posts that’s when I see some of her posts and it kind of makes me wanna check up on her again

Some days it’s great and I’m not thinking about her at all, I’m happy and life is progressing but then some days life is just so hard and I just miss her and I just wanna go to our town center to let loose and see some friends, but in the back of my mind a little Voice tells me to go to these bars that I know she’s going to be at which I know is not something I should do but it's such a strong urge

T.L.D.R - feeling awful for checking ex‘s networking app to see when she’s home just so I can relax and not worry about her safety even though we’re not together anymore. I don’t know how I should feel about it, even though I know I should just delete the app and move on. I just worry so much about her safety that it drives me nuts sometimes