Finding reading music painful

Does anyone else get sad about this?

I really don't feel this way about other aspects of music. Sure, all aspects of being a musician are very difficult. But developing my ear, developing my technique, learning songs- none of it feels as intimidating as reading music to me.

I've been reading music for piano on and off for like 5 years or something. And it still feels like I'm in the most basic stages. My brain still gets easily overwhelmed by what's on the page, causing like a headache. Practicing reading can feel really painful and energy intensive for me, and gives me a really bad association with reading music. If I tried reading a more complex arrangement, more in line with my playing abilities, it would be like painfully decoding a secret message. Though that's happening for simpler stuff too even if it's faster.

I'm using the piano adventure books, and it's clear to me that by the time I've finished the final book I won't even know how to play in all 12 keys, only a few keys. And I"m not even sure how I'd continue to learn to read. "There are countless songs written in standard notation" you might say in response to that. Well the utility of the books I"m using is that the songs get gradually more difficult, and are also in a variety of different styles. I think if I finish the books I"m just going to feel lost on where to go next. If I just start doing random songs to my liking I'll be in that constant "painfully decoding" stage I mentioned earlier.

I guess I just wanted to make this post to vent about how hard reading is for me, because I feel like people just don't talk about it much. Makes me feel crazy. I guess people learn when they are kids so they take it for granted? I dunno.