Why do I hurt the people I love?

I don’t mean to, I love them but I always hurt them in the end and I know I’m wrong.

Recently I’ve been drinking and ice threatens my family in the worst ways possible like hurting them(violence) normally it’s not me. I know it shows a problem but even without a drink I’m acting like that also.

I love them my family are the only people I have left who I genuinely love and care about but I don’t know how to show it and I’m sorry. I’m alone and scared I I don’t want to be evil or a bad person because I know how easily it is to be bad, I’d rather chose to be good because it’s the difficult path in life and it leads to righteousness but I’m afraid I’m turning bad and going down a path where I can’t return just like my family.

I’m sorry I don’t mean to be bad but I accept it and I accept who i am I don’t care any more

How do I change because there’s still hope