Triggers

I am really struggling. I can’t communicate my feelings to my partner because I already have 100 x and I’ve got nowhere. Instead we just end up arguing. So I’ve been bottling it all in since the last problem, and I have a job where I’m alone a lot so I’ve been having racing thoughts all day. I get home, already not in a good mood. Idk what happened at home all day but I’m just already worked up. I finally lay down to look at social media for a minute and some h*e in a see through outfit pops up on my timeline with everything visible. My bf had nothing to do with this. It was on my fb for some reason (idfk why because I always click do not show again or whatever on that shit), and he wasn’t even near me. I just got so upset seeing how this chick looked compared to my average body and thought about how he would like that random ass chick more than me. And about all the ones he has liked a million times more than me. I ran outside and cried my eyes out. I guess it didn’t help that I was looking back at old messages earlier today of me asking him to stop and love ME instead, and him coming up with every reason not to. And still to this day, after many of those conversations, he has not. Why can’t I just be one of those girls that don’t want sex or attention from my partner ? I wish I just didn’t care at all.