Spouse confessed he never found me sexually attractive because of my weight
It hurts more than I care to admit. We've been married a year and a half and together for 6. I've been fat for the entirety of that time and for most of my life, despite my best efforts. I'm giving the weight loss thing another go with CICO/IF and I've already lost 5lbs but in my heart, I don't believe I have the self-discipline to be consistent enough to get far with it. Even if the umpteenth time is the charm and I manage to lose upwards of 80lbs, it's almost guaranteed I'll have a lot of loose skin and I don't believe he'll find me attractive then either.
Until his admission, I was mostly coming to terms with the fact that I'm 30 now and have never been slim and probably never will be. I didn't love my figure but I didn't hate it either. I wear my excess weight well--something he agrees with. However, now I'm struggling with feeling like I must come to terms with the fact that no one, not even my husband, is ever going to desire me.
I recognize that my angst falls at the nexus of weight, self-image, and relationship issues, and that a healthy solution addresses all angles. Oddly enough, while I often lurk in this sub for motivation, I think the goal of this post is actually relationship advice.
Knowing that my husband married me thinking that I'm "pretty but not sexually attractive" really cuts, to the point I'm considering leaving. Maybe that's an overreaction; he knew what he was in for when he married me, after all, and he loves me nonetheless. But it feels really bad, especially since I'm very physical with how I express love.
My question to the community is, has anyone's relationship recovered from something similar? Specifically, was your partner less or not at all attracted to you from the outset, and then as you lost a significant amount of weight, you discovered passion in the relationship that hadn't existed before? I suspect the more common case is "I lost the weight and met someone else" but I'd really love to hear success stories of turning a tepid relationship into something fiery to give me hope that there's still something worth trying for here.
Edit: I don't have the energy to reply to each comment but I am reading and appreciate everyone's input. To answer some common questions:
- Our sex life is barely existent and is driven largely by my own efforts. This has always been true but in the past he's blamed work stress or other things.
- He only admitted it after I pressed him about why we don't have any passion in our relationship.
- He's otherwise a very kind, loving man with a gentle spirit. He's my best friend and number one supporter.