To my dear ex Akihiro. I hope you see this

I wrote this in a time where it finally ended. Written at 1:52 am never thought anyone would see it besides me but here it goes.

    You give you’re all to one person and then they’re gone. Now what? Where do you turn when you lose yourself and for what? You lost a piece of you and the person that you thought loved you just to find out you were being used as a toy for almost a year. A hidden toy the type of toy you keep in a closet closed up and hidden away from people because you’ve grown out of them.

 I lay here in bed minute after minute, hour after hour, day by day. Pondering my thoughts and scanning through each single speck of my memory. Wondering why. Why did you do that to me. I gave you my all every single speck of love every single atom of myself to make you happy. I lay here in the room we cuddled together in, fed eachother in, talked about life together. I sit here in the room haunted by your laugh bouncing off and on the walls of my bedroom. In the same clean sheets you held me in. Where you asked me to be your girlfriend. Where you tried learning to dance then gave up. Where you ended up carrying me on your back while we were tussling around in my bed and you carried me and I was yelling for you to put me down. Where you sucked my cheek at night while trying to go to sleep. 


  Every memory in this house of you haunts me. Your ghost walks down the hall taunting me saying you won. You won the battle to destroy me. Your memory stained in ink everywhere. Your clothes taunt me asking if I remember the smell of you I walk down the stairs out the back door. Remembering your foot steps. Where we ran through the forest together at night just to sneak you in. Where we kissed and hugged in the forest around the wilderness in love. Where you ran and hugged me and kissed all over my face, my cheeks, my neck saying how I smelled good. I thought we were in love. Or that’s what I perceived it as. I thought you loved me. Your ghost and your aura will linger around me for the rest of my life. The memory of your hands on me will linger engraved in my memory like our initials engraved on that one tree. The tattoos we would talk about getting. The apartment we talked about getting, telling me you’d wait for me because I wasn’t like the other girls. Was it the truth? You told everyone I was a play you for you. Just one you would get at when you wanted it. I find it hard to believe you kept it up for almost a year. You asked to switch socials. I gave you my trust and you handed me yours. I thought everything was perfect. everyone always told me to run but I stayed even after you broke my heart. I defended your name loud and proud like an idiotic person. I defended your name when my parents dragged it through the dirt like it was nothing. I yelled, I screamed, I argued for you. I lost my relationship and trust with my parents for you. I thought we were a forever type of love. I learned you just can’t commit to anyone. You were a pathetic excuse of a man.