We finally broke it off.

My ex (27M) and I (26F) dated for two years. He left me 2 days ago.

From the start of our relationship, there were red flags I overlooked. Early on, I saw messages on his phone where his best friend referred to him as "baby." Curious, I read more of their chat and discovered he’d said things like, “Don’t mind her (referring to me). She always gets jealous of you,” and “You are my baby. I don’t have any other baby.” When I confronted him, we had a huge fight. I wanted to leave him, but he promised it would never happen again. To his credit, he didn’t repeat this specific behavior, but it was far from the end of the issues.

Throughout our relationship, he often displayed rudeness and aggression. Once, I asked him to come home early from a party because he had work the next day. His response? He screamed at me, “Shut the fuck up,” at the top of his lungs. He broke up with me four times, and each time, I caved and went back to him because I couldn’t bear the thought of being apart. I started therapy and even adjusted my behavior, cutting back on “nagging” because he asked me to. Yet, no matter how much I tried to improve, he always found ways to belittle me.

Last December, I noticed a pattern in his behavior that made me deeply uncomfortable. Trusting my instincts, I checked his phone again. I found that he had been saving Instagram stories of a specific woman in a hidden folder, some of which were very recent. That was my breaking point. I told him I couldn’t continue in the relationship because this wasn’t something I could tolerate. But again, I went back to him, giving him what I thought would be one last chance.

Ours was a long-distance relationship, and I was always the one initiating visits and calls. Whenever I tried to video call him, his tone would be bleak, almost dismissive, with a flat “Okay.” It hurt so much that I began planning my exit. His behavior grew worse—he called and texted me less, always using the excuse of being “super busy.” I was texting him only once in the morning and calling once at night, but even that was “too much.”

I’ve bent and twisted myself so much for this relationship that I barely recognize the woman I see in the mirror. He has made me feel utterly spineless. I was even saving up for a ring and was going to propose this year at the end.

This Saturday, I confronted him about his detached behavior. I asked him directly if he wanted to break up. After hours of silence, he finally admitted he didn’t love me anymore and had fallen out of love. I told him I understood and didn’t want to continue. Later that night, he called back, saying he had spoken to his mother, who told him he was an “asshole” for losing someone like me. He then proposed taking a two-week break to figure out how much I meant to him and whether he missed me.

I’ve been crying since this morning. Even though I know I was in an abusive relationship, the pain is unbearable. I want these feelings for him to disappear. I want to look at him someday and feel nothing. I’m exhausted and heartbroken, but I know this is the end of the road for us.

I’m determined not to let him come back into my life, no matter what he says or does. I’ll need therapy and a lot of faith to rebuild myself, but I’ll do it. I’ve realized that my self-worth cannot be defined by a man who decides at his whim whether to love me or not.

Whether he comes back or not, I know this for sure: I don’t want him back anymore.