Was this my anima?

I am an ex-clergy member (long story there), but I transitioned out well and landed a secular job that’s been rewarding both professionally and personally. When I first left ministry, I explored Jungian analysis as a way to ground myself, since I’d lost access to many of the symbols and practices I used to find meaningful. I eventually grew frustrated because I either wasn’t remembering my dreams, or they weren’t vivid enough to work with.

Last night was different.

For some context, I’m in my late thirties, and recently I decided to take a year off from dating. Since my divorce years ago, I’ve been in and out of short-term relationships that never really went anywhere, not to mention a failed engagement that left me pretty devastated emotionally. So I retreated into solitude to figure out what it is I actually want.

I slept deeply and had an unusually vivid dream. I was back in my senior year of high school, sitting in class next to a girl. She wasn’t anyone specific, but more an amalgamation of everything I’ve ever found attractive—freckles (I have a thing for freckles), brown eyes, brunette, preppy, extroverted—essentially a reflection of everything I’m drawn to. We were sitting at the back of the classroom, goofing around and talking, when the conversation turned to relationships.

I felt a strong urge to ask her if she wanted to spend more time together. But being the hesitant person I was, I couldn’t quite muster the courage to say it. Then she turned to me with a sly smile, called me by my first name, and asked, “What do you want?” I couldn’t answer. The bell rang, signaling the end of school. She took my hand, squeezed it gently, kissed me on the cheek, and whispered in my ear, “You’re pretty sharp. You’ll figure it out.”

The last thing I remember is walking back to my car. I passed the football field, where the marching band was practicing. It was odd because I’d been in the band, so I should have been out there with them. The band was playing music from Puccini’s *Turandot*. And what stood out even more was the drill team, humming in harmony with the band.

What should I make of this dream?