Cooked

2nd year med student here . University exams in about 3.5 weeks . And I'm the definition of cooked . Maybe have covered 20% of each subject and I think I fucked up big time

Writing this post after some reflection as cautionary tale for others . Ive always had this really bad problem with procrastination . It's not like I've never been disciplined in life . During my neet , or when I decided to learn the guitar before the end of the year or when I learnt how to build pcs( big tech nerd ) or when I decided to stop being fat and build a decent physique . All these have been challenging tasks but the descipline to stick through and the end result is something I wouldn't trade for anything

But the common theme within all this interests has always been a driving interest and instsatiable curiosity .

Something which I completely lacked during school days , or doing anything that doesn't remotely interest me and especially throughout my mbbs. Classes always seemed like a chore , practicals boring asf , wards were kind of interesting but the way things were managed in our college ,that interest turned to shit too.

As a result , I've developed a crippling procastinstion problem along the way . I never completed any subjects in time , always lagging behind in syllabus and I don't think I've sat for any exam fully prepared or with an ounce of confidence in my mbbs journey.

Don't get me wrong , I don't hate or regret choosing mbbs , but I don't have an ounce of fucking passion for it either. Before any of you says why tf am I wasting a mbbs seat or im just a lazy loser( kind of agree ) . The answer is simple I come from a middle class family and since the time i was born my family has hyped me up and built my life around being a doctor. So besides mbbs I haven't known or been interested in anything . But now that I'm in college , it really ain't all that.

I am a deeply flawed individual with more negatives than positives but I thought if anybody is reading this post , whether junior or senior. Keep this post at the back of your head as a perspective towards what lies on the other end . Everyone struggles with procastination , especially when its compounded and there's feelings of being perpetually doomed. However nothing good awaits on the other side , only more despair.Trust me , you aren't at rock bottom , things can improve for you , just don't stand still

as the great math sorcerer once said , " No matter how far behind you are, it only takes 2 weeks to catch up " although not applicable in my case , it is in yours.

Good luck on your journey.