“Why are humans so weird about teats?”
It was a beautiful evening in the Bahamas as Sonia and Alex walked and slithered respectively through the hallway of their hotel, they had had a time playing on the beaches, swimming, sightseeing, and eating exotic food, and they were bushed as they opened the door to their room and slumped on the couch.
Of course, it was only then that Sonia realized something important, “Dang it!”
Alex sat up in surprise, “What’s wrong?”
“I forgot to get more apple juice while we were out.” Sonia said as she sank into the couch, “And I am not going back out today.”
“Well, there’s a vending machine across the hall that we could use.” Alex pointed out.
“They only take cash, and I spent all of mine today.”
“Really? I didn’t think we bought that much.”
“Tell that to the 3-course meal stewing in your gut.”
“Mambas eat a lot! I thought you’d know that by now!”
Both of them paused for a minute before sinking back into the couch. After a moment, Alex sat back up, confusing Sonia, “What are you doing?”
Alex was in the process of taking off his shirt, “I don’t do this a lot, but I think we’re close enough companions at this point.”
“Alex…!” Sonia said with growing suspicion.
Before she knew it, Alex’s shirt was on the floor, “Until we go to the store again, you can drink from these.” Alex said as he hefted up his tits.
Sonia grimaced, “Um… hard pass.”
“I insist.” Alex put his nonexistent foot down, bringing his boobs closer to Sonia’s face, “We offer our milk to each other on my planet all the time. My mate Wanda says mine tastes of honey.” He gently squeezed one of his nipples, causing a drop of his light purple colored milk to drip out.
“Seriously?!” Sonia exclaimed, “Why are you guys so lax about your boobs?!”
Alex was bewildered as he sat back, “Why are you humans so uptight about them?” He asked, “You were frantic when you were insisting I that cover up my teats with that tight swimsuit at the beach.”
“Uh, because they’re considered private parts! You can’t just show off your boobs in public!” Sonia instantly caught on when Alex started to open his mouth again, “I mean on Earth.”
“Why not? Human males show off their upper bodies all the time.”
Sonia inhaled, then paused, then she really thought about what she was about to say, then she sighed, “I don’t make the rules, I just follow them.”
“Okay. So would you like a drink?”
“Look, showing your boobs is one thing, but sucking them is a whole other thing entirely!”
“Well, first we’re in private.” Alex began, “Second, even if it is invasive for humans, I have just given you my consent, so it should no longer be invasive, correct?”
“Well… yes.”
“So what’s the problem?”
Sonia closed her eyes and sighed, “Fine.”
With that, Alex lifted up one of his teats and brought it closer to Sonia’s mouth. Then she suddenly held up a hand, “Eeeh, you know what? Spare my dignity and put it in a cup, please.”
“Okay.” Alex said as he got up.