Help? Idk what I’m doing

So, basically, I have always been aware that I am genderfluid. I find myself having body dysmorphia and I have trouble sometimes understanding how I feel. Sometimes it gets to the point if I wonder if I am trans masc and then I go back to feeling comfortable with femininity. It’s like whiplash and I’ll go through most of the day feeling masc and then flying towards fem at Mach Christ. It feels like a rollercoaster and something I’ve dealt with for so long…

But now, I find myself with a supportive boyfriend who is learning about me and my struggles with gender. It makes me want to learn too, want to learn about how I feel about myself and who I want to be as a person who can express themselves even though I’m going through this wild slipstream of who I am.

Unfortunately, as it seems with most people (based on what I have seen we are cursed) who are AFAB, I have massive melons that haunt my waking moments and make me feel like shid because the days I feel masc I got these big boys on my chest like the worst case of gynecomastia the world has ever seen.

In short, I want help. My dream is a breast reduction one day, alas, health care in America sucks and it’s only going to get worse and that doesn’t seem like a likely option for me unless I marry a rich, rich man who wants to shower me in cash to soothe my problems.

How do people feel when it comes to themselves and their gender? I feel like I’m crazy half the time and out of control. It causes me so much anxiety. What do you do to ease it? Feel more like you are who you are? If some of yall have big chest PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEase give me deets bro. I beg of thee, help me.

TLDR: Ya boi is genderfluid and has problems, advice?