Surrogacy experience in Mexico City

Now that we're finally back in the US, I thought it'd be helpful to write a post not just about our experience, but focusing on the exit process. To be honest, we found that our consultant was less than helpful about what exactly happens after birth, leaving us anxious and confused. Not to be overly dramatic, but the whole reason we spent $6000 hiring a third-party consultant was so that we had some independent expertise and someone to call for help. He ghosted us for over a week after birth, and after a single short phone call, never got back to us or checked in since. Save your money, and deal directly with your surrogacy program. Normal disclosures: YMMV. This will be the process we experienced, but both Mexican and US government procedures can change at any time.

We had a great experience with our in-country surrogacy agency. They did everything they said they would. We experienced great communication from our first visit, through the weeks after birth. Once in-country, they set up a whatsapp group with the medical staff, our coordinator, and the surrogate's social worker. During birth and until discharge, our coordinator was with us the whole time at the hospital, and best we could tell, our surrogate was also well taken care of by the social worker assigned to her.

Unfortunately, after that is where things went sideways. We were told to expect it to take 1-2 weeks to get the Mexican birth certificate, and 3-4 weeks to get an approved CRBA + emergency passport from the US embassy. This is not the reality.

Getting the Birth Certificate

There are two ways to get a birth certificate in Mexico City: with or without the surrogate.

With the surrogate, it is a very fast process. The bio dad simply goes to the civil registration office with the baby and surrogate, and you are registered. The birth certificate will list the surrogate as the mother, bio dad as the father, and there is no current legal process to change this. The surrogate will then have to go with you to the embassy and be part of the process, since she is legally the mother under Mexican law. You will then have to go through a step-parent adoption in the US to remove her parental rights, which will also go most smoothly with the surrogate's continued cooperation. This is risky, and some surrogates may simply decide they do not want to have any legal ties to the child; after pregnancy and birth, they will want to quickly get back to their normal lives.

Without the surrogate, the IPs must file an Amparo with the court. They goal is to obtain what is essentially an injunction ordering the civil registration office to register the birth of the child in the IPs name(s). The full process will take many months, but the injunction can usually be obtained in 3-7 weeks. Why the variance? Like at home, when you file a case it is randomly assigned to a judge. Some judges are favorable to surrogacy and will issue an injunction quite quickly. Others are not, and will do everything possible to delay the process.

1. You will ask the civil registration office for an appointment to register your baby, born via advanced reproductive technology. Your lawyer should provide the language to use.
2. In a few days, you will get an appointment, but will also be told that you will need a court order.
3. You will then need to verify and sign all the necessary documents for the Amparo, which will be filed as soon as the surrogate also signs.
4. In about a week, the case will be assigned to a court.
5. The court will ask the registration office why they have denied the rights of your child (to be registered).
6. The registration office will issue a standard response that they have no regulations to deal with ART.
7. At this point, "good" judges will issue the injunction, and off you go to the civil registration office.
8. You may be required to go to court (together with the surrogate) to "prove" your signatures so as to verify that the surrogacy contract is genuine and taken under the free will of everyone involved.
9. You may be required to undergo DNA testing to prove that the surrogate has no genetic relationship to the child, and instead the bio dad is the genetic father.
10. Rarely, this has required court appeals, so it's a risk to know about.
11. The courts will go on vacation twice a year for alternating 15-day periods in the summer and around Christmas. Obviously, timing the birth is not a thing... it happens 9 months after successful implantation. But, again, a potential source of delay to be aware of. If you run into the vacation period, it may be beneficial to wait to file the Amparo until the "bad" judges are on vacation.

Bottom line: you are dealing with a process that may be as short as 3 weeks or as long as 2 months, so plan accordingly. Thankfully, we got a "good" judge and had our birth certificate just 3 weeks after birth. KNOW THAT THIS IS FAST! To their credit, our lawyers understood that we had not come prepared to stay in Mexico as long as is really needed, and moved heaven and earth to speed things through as best they could. Once registered, you can get an online certified copy from the Mexican government's website for only MX$90. Just print it out on card stock at a stationary store, and while you're at it, print some extras.

Getting out of Mexico - the US Embassy

Since surrogacy is not actually a well-regulated process in Mexico (in fact, it is not regulated at all), the US Embassy does not have easy procedures in place to deal with the many surrogacy cases they see. For your own sanity, you should get your own DNA testing done. If the surrogate is willing, you can do this before birth. Otherwise, it is easy enough to use a mail-order testing kit. Just as in the US, reputable agencies have thorough procedures in place to avoid mix-ups with IVF. Just as in the US, there are rare cases where problems have happened. If you are NOT the bio dad, you can exit the country... however, you MUST use the adoption process, as the US Embassy will only approve CRBA applications of children that have 13 American chromosomes.

As I write this, the Embassy's website still does not have clear procedures, so here's what we had to do:

Gather documents -- before you leave for Mexico!

1. If you are married, and both are US citizens, you must bring proof that both of you have been physically present at some point in your adult lives. This should be either W2s, work contracts, school transcripts, or some other documentation that firmly establishes you have been in the country. Rental agreements or property records don't count, because you could theoretically be abroad while renting a place in the US. Social security statements are less preferred, because you may have earned money working abroad for a US employer. Remember, the presumption for basically all US citizenship or immigration cases is that the applicant is not eligible; you must convince the officer that you are entitled to citizenship for your child.
2. Depending on other family situations (i.e., single, not married, or if both are not US citizens), you may need to provide documentation that you have been physically present in the US over the course of as many as five years. DON'T CUT IT SHORT. Did you go on an international vacation? Then your W2 doesn't really mean you were present for a full year. There is no such thing as bringing too much proof of physical presence.
3. Bring official/certified copies of any applicable documents.
4. Be sure to bring basic vital statistics stuff: you will have your passports, but it cannot hurt to also bring your birth certificate (if born in the US) or certificate of naturalization (if not). If married, bring your marriage certificate (the official one from your state of residence).
5. Make copies of everything. The embassy will want to see the original, but keep a copy. Yes, you can make copies and print stuff in Mexico City. Obviously. But why not come prepared?
6. For the CRBA (Consular Report of Birth Abroad), you will need to fill out a form stating every period of time you were physically present in the United States since your birth. If you are like us, you have traveled a LOT. Come prepared with the dates. Do your best to remember. They aren't going to deny your application if you forgot exactly when you came back from vacation 10 years ago. They will create problems if you claim that you have never left the country in your life. I mean, if this is really you, be prepared to explain why you were comfortable living in Mexico for a few months having never before been outside the US.
7. While your Mexican lawyers should provide copies of all of the relevant contracts related to the surrogacy, bring copies yourself just in case.
8. You should buy a return ticket to avoid any issues with Mexican immigration. Just buy a refundable (full-fare) ticket, so you can change it as may be needed. It's unlikely you'll actually return on the date that you bought the ticket for. But, bring copies of your itinerary anyway.
9. Oh, and bring some passport photos of yourself. Or, at least, of the bio-dad. You will need them for DNA testing. Yes, you can get these in Mexico if you prefer. I mean, you'll need to get photos of the baby.

Navigating the eCRBA

1. The embassy's website says that DNA testing is not required. Let me say this quite clearly: Your CRBA will NOT be approved without DNA testing. Period. Also, and let me be clear on this as well: you MUST use the embassy's DNA testing process. Get your own done so you are confident of the results, but understand that an important part of speeding your exit will be to expeditiously get the embassy's DNA test.
2. You can -- and should -- make your travel.gov account and start filling out your eCRBA as soon as you know when you'll be traveling for the birth. Or earlier. If you've traveled abroad a lot, it will be helpful to do this when you are at home and can look at old passports, etc., to get the dates when physically present in the US.
3. For the child's name, please know that if you will be using the surrogate to register the birth, the last name will follow standard latino names: FirstName MiddleName Patronym Matronym. If you use the Amparo process, you can basically pick your own name, within reason.
4. While nothing online will tell you this, it's not actually critical to know the child's birth date before filing the eCRBA. What is critical is that you file it early. Why?
5. Contact your preferred AABB-accredited DNA testing lab, tell them you are doing surrogacy. You can do this as far in advance as you'd like, but be sure that they do not send the testing kit before you file your eCRBA. If you send it too early, the embassy will throw it out, and you will have to pay the lab additional fees to fedex another test kit.
6. So you have filed your eCRBA. You've had the testing kit mailed. The US Embassy in Mexico City usually has appointments roughly 4-6 weeks out. Feel free to schedule your appointment based on expectations of when you will have your birth certificate. On this point, the embassy's website is clear and correct: you cannot do anything without the Mexican birth certificate.
7. Your lawyer should know shortly after filing the Amparo if you have a "good" or "bad" judge, and you absolutely should curate your embassy appointment accordingly. You do not want to wait until the last minute only to realize that you must reschedule because you don't have the birth certificate as soon as you hoped. CRBA appointments cannot be expedited unless there is a life or death emergency (e.g., baby's grandfather is in hospital about to die and you can provide proof of this).
8. Once your DNA test kit has arrived in Mexico City you will get an email from the embassy inviting you to schedule your DNA test. When we were there, they only took DNA samples on Wednesdays. Also, do not schedule your DNA test until you have the Mexican birth certificate (notice a theme?).
9. It's ok if you have your embassy appointment before your DNA test, or before your DNA test results are back. Just understand that you are not leaving Mexico until both happen.
10. What to do if you've been conservative in your scheduling and everything happens faster than you expected? Well, just check 5-6 times a day, morning, afternoon, and night, for any earlier appointments. Life happens, and sometimes people have to reschedule. Or, the embassy has more staff than expected, so they open more appointments. This is how we ended up getting a CRBA appointment just a week after we got the birth certificate.
11. While you wait, prepare the passport application. Getting good baby passport photos is hard. But, Mexicans love babies and will work with you at a photo shop to make it happen. Just be clear that you need US passport size, as this is different than the Mexican passport size they will be used to. Get extra photos, as you will need them for any DNA tests you may need (either for the Amparo or the US Embassy process).
12. Plan your exit. DNA testing should only really take a week or so after the sample has been taken. It is fedexed to the US, and you've paid extra for priority processing at your lab (right?). If have been able to get this done before your CRBA appointment, you can expect a same-day passport. Theoretically, you could leave the day after your CRBA appointment! Otherwise, know that it may take a day or two after the Embassy gets your results to actually issue your child's emergency passport. Emergency passports are usually ready for pick up at 3pm every afternoon. Most flights back to the US are in the morning.

Navigating the US Embassy

1. You should arrive early, but not too early. Fifteen minutes before your appointment (either for DNA testing or the CRBA) is adequate -- and they may not let you in earlier. There is a separate line for US citizens that is shorter and faster than Mexicans applying for Visas. Just ask the guards where to go or look for the sign that says "passports."
2. For your CRBA appointment, a staff member will check all your documents outside. Be sure you have ready:
   1. Your passport application, printed with a legible bar code, but not signed (remember to enter 000-00-0000 as the SSN).
   2. Passport photos for the baby.
   3. A copy of flight itineraries to prove that you are in need of an emergency passport -- this should include the actual ticket number so they know it isn't just a reservation you made and cancelled, but an actual purchased flight.
   4. Copies of the basic documents: Baby's birth certificate, your passports.
   5. A printed and signed statement (available from the embassy's website) that says your child has not been issued a social security number.
   6. They put things in the preferred order, paper clip it all together, and give you a ticket that you will give the guard to let you in.
3. For your DNA appointment, you may go right to the "passports" entrance. Just make sure you have with you:
   1. Mexican birth certificate for the baby
   2. Passport of bio dad
   3. Passport-size photos of bio dad and baby (bring two)
   4. A bottle for the baby, because s/he will prolly be hungry by the time the test is done, and they are happy to let you feed him/her right after the DNA swab.
   5. For your convenience, there are several nearby starbucks (we liked the one right across Reforma from the embassy). Enjoy your coffee post-test, and know that you are almost done!
4. By all means, bring your cell phones with you. You will need to turn them off and leave them at Embassy security. The admonishments to leave all electronics at home are really for non-citizens, as they don't have the space to store everyone's cell phone. Embassy staff know that you need navigation/uber if you don't live in Mexico. If you are coming during the rainy season, they'll also keep your umbrellas at security.
5. For the CRBA, your appointment time should be viewed as more of an admission ticket. It will take several hours. Understand that your officer will be reviewing all the documents and doing a background check before actually calling you up to the counter for the interview. Be prepared to taste any water or formula you are bringing. If you have other kids, you can bring food for them, but be prepared to taste it. Adults are expected to just wait it out.
6. You will be going through TSA-like security. Large bassinets won't fit, but smaller ones will. Just know that everything will have to go through the x-ray machine. The staff are a lot nicer than the TSA, and will guide you through what you need to do, so just listen to their instructions.
7. For the CRBA appointment, the officer will review the key documents you've brought, swear you in, and ask some basic questions about you and your life to try and make sure everything is genuine. For example, she asks for your proof of physical presence and you hand her a W2. The officer might ask, "what do you do for a living?" You presented your marriage certificate: "how did you meet?" No need to overshare (the officer doesn't want to spend all day on this), but never lie. For example, if you've changed jobs since that particular W2, just say so. Yes, they have heard of grindr, so if that's how you met, just say so.
8. If you have the CRBA appointment before DNA testing is done, tell the officer where you are in that process -- maybe you already have the DNA appointment scheduled, or maybe you are waiting for the results. If you've already done the DNA testing, the officer will already have your results.
9. Either way, ask about paying the waybill to ship your CRBA. Your CRBA will be printed in the US, mailed to Mexico, and then shipped to your address in the US (don't ask). If you don't have a waybill paid for shipping, it will delay things. There is a DHL office in the embassy you can use. Don't worry if this is something you forget about -- the embassy will send you an email explaining how to buy DHL shipping (just make sure that if you are already in the US, you buy it using the US DHL website, not the Mexican one. You'll have issues paying with a US credit card on the DHL MX website).

A side note about scheduling your CRBA appointment: you don't really have to do the process in Mexico City even if that's where your baby was born. If you have friends in (wherever) and you prefer to wait it out somewhere else, you can absolutely schedule it elsewhere. Certain consulates (usually the ones on the border) have shorter wait times for CRBA appointments. Just know that you should arrange DNA testing at the same consulate that has your CRBA appointment. We heard rumors that some consulates may not actually require DNA testing if you have other medical documents to demonstrate genetic affinity (e.g., IVF transfer declaration). YMMV. Personally, I don't think it's worth moving yourselves and a newborn baby across Mexico just in the hope of maybe not needing DNA testing. Mexico City is not really a bad place to be trapped for a few months. The same cannot be said of certain other cities that host US consulates.

Welcome back to the US!

1. You can and should apply for your child's social security number as soon as you get home.
2. The emergency passport will NOT be accepted by Social Security offices as proof of citizenship of your child.
3. Get NEW passport photos for your baby. Use the state department's online form generator to make the special application form to exchange an emergency passport.
4. You'll need another copy of that "we don't have an SSN" statement.
5. You should also print out and sign a "file search" form (just google it). It will take a while to actually get the physical CRBA, and you otherwise have no other proof of your baby's US citizenship. There is no extra fee for this, as the record of the approved CRBA will be electronic.
6. Technically, there is no fee for the "full validity" passport, but you'll probably want to pay for expedited process to get the social security application started sooner rather than later.
7. Expect that the Social Security Administration will need to translate the Mexican birth certificate, so it won't be processed immediately.
8. Your baby is also a Mexican citizen. You are entitled to a Mexican passport for your baby, and your local Mexican consulate has friendly staff who can help you with this. In our global world, dual citizenship is an asset.