Not my business but… my ex is gay

Ok ok click-bait title, sorry. My ex is one of my best friends from high school. He’s always been a very stereotypical straight presenting guy, loves football, was a jock in high school, his style was a cross between skater boy and preppy (somehow he pulled it off). He has always known he’s been sexually attracted to men, but emotionally safe with women.

We are now in our late 30s and he has still not come out of the closet to our larger community but most importantly to himself. He dates women but has told me that he has never felt sexually satisfied with women. He has sex with men and non-binary folks, but hides these encounters and has yet to really form a strong relationship with any of those. His family is catholic. His friends are mostly bros who have no idea he’s gay.

I know this is his journey, his life, but it breaks my heart to hear him wanting more out of his life and relationships. I know he wants to be more comfortable in his life and his community but he doesn’t know how to accept and integrate his gay-ness/bi-ness into his life in a more holistic and healthy way.

I know life and queerness looks different for everyone, but I really want to help this lovely, kind, smart human feel more comfortable in his skin.

I’d love any thoughts, advice of what I could do or say that might be helpful (even if it’s just… leave him the fuck alone), words of encouragement for him…