Egg cracking

I'm nonbinary and masc-leaning. I wouldn't have really ever said I had dysphoria, but I get so much euphoria from little things: having my hair short (I've wanted to since I was in the single digits), wearing men's clothing, and on occasion passing (more often confusing, though still usually ma'amed). I'm finding, slowly, as I make little changes to my appearance, the more masc I lean and it makes me happy. It's euphoric to wear long men's shorts (I've always wanted to, but didn't want to be teased for wearing them, or wear the girl version and get teased for not having a fashion sense). It's euphoric having bangs and short hair - I used to pretend in the winter by tucking my long hair over my head, under the hat, to make bangs. I'm confused why every almost every choice I make, I choose to look more masc, and that it makes me happy. Why do I choose this when I finally feel more free to choose what I want? I don't know if I want to take T, but I think I would be excited about most all the effects. For example, I wouldn't mind bottom growth, my voice deepening. I would actually kinda like both. I think I would be excited to possibly have facial hair, but I don't know why I feel that way. Maybe the texture would be fun to feel.

I also don't feel ready for anything to change. This body, this role I have now works. Even if most everyone ma'ams me I can still be myself to myself. My dad's tentatively brought up trans stuff around me, I'm awkward, he still calls me his daughter. I'd rather kid but I haven't asked. I'm not sure if I'm able to handle pushback along with the change; everything changing and having to deal with everyone's feelings about it (especially that) feels daunting and potentially too much. I'm slowly trying to dig myself out of autistic burnout instead of sinking deeper as it is. Starting to recover but it wouldn't take much to set back the progress.

I guess, just slowly accepting that I'm trans and nonbinary transmasc and trying to process that.