Sexy book ≠ Spicy book

Last year I read 145 books, the majority of them being fantasy romance. A good chunk of them had spicy scenes. Yet the majority didn't include any seduction or falling for each other sequence. The majority counted on insta love trope or, if it was a slow burn it was always lusting after each other, suffering in silence and not doing anything about it. Given that the majority of people usually fall in love with their significant other after, not only the lust/attraction part, but actually getting to know each other, why do you think the majority of these books don't include that in the romance? Is it so hard to write characters with different interesting personalities?

If you have any suggestions, I'm looking for something new!