[VENT!] Islam made me feel dirty during periods :(

When I was a kid before I got my period (im 15F btw), I used to feel like a kid, enjoying my freedom while it lasts, I was really happy at that time and I never felt anything bad, few months before I got my period as 12y.o, I thought of wearing the hijab, so I asked my mom if she would allow me wear hijab and she said “yes but only in school, once you get your period, you must wear it everywhere, but from now on at school only”, I thought I looked pretty in it so I went to school with it, it been few months and my period started at Islamic class in Ramadan, ever since it started, my mother forced me to wear the abaya and Sheila no matter what, I kinda felt uncomfy wearing it, and I also wanted to take off my Sheila/hijab, things felt very very weird during my period, I felt DIRTY, I felt Soo dirty to the point I constantly shower and wash my body almost everyday on my period and get upset or bad mood if I ever felt that I’m still dirty, I literally hate this feeling and I don’t want this (and I still do that…) why that happened is because Islam taught me that you’re impure if you are on your period, and basically cannot pray, fast, touch the quran, etc. because it will affect the Quran and your prayers if you’re on your period, atleast the best part abt it is that u don’t have to fast in Ramadan if you’re on your period, anyways and after you finish your period, you have to do a ritual bath/shower (ghusul) where you like wash your right side and then left side (I forgot) and you must do it to be pure/clean again and be able to pray again, tbh Islam made me feel very dirty about my period and even if I left Islam, I still feel dirty to the point I constantly clean myself everyday during period in not normal way, I really wanna stop this but I can’t… :(