What tf do I do with this?

I was a YM in the 00s and worked pretty hard to earn the Duty to God award. Not sure what to do with it now. On one hand, I'm disgusted with the church and its history. On the other, I have good memories of YM meetings and putting in the effort to earn this award.

I guess that's a metaphor for my relationship I have with my church experience presently. Trying to grapple with the good and the bad.