Sexual Duplicity Among ExMormons

My ex-husband and I left Mormonism twenty years ago, and have watched many other couples leave in the intervening years. We watched several of the marriages implode when one of the partners lived a double life engaging in secret, promiscuous sex. Horrifically, despite what was seemingly a very happy marriage even 18 years after leaving Mormonism, I discovered that my husband had also been engaging in sex-addict type behavior. So, now he and I are also divorced. While realizing Mormonism was a fraud and restructuring my life was traumatic, that trauma pales in comparison to being so profoundly harmed and betrayed in my closest relationship. 

I want to address this here, because I have noticed that many people use the experience of leaving Mormonism as an excuse for bad behavior.  The costs to others, particularly the exiting Mormon’s closest relatives, are profound.

As a community, let’s not make excuses for ourselves to deceive and defraud the people who love us.  Didn’t we leave Mormonism precisely because we were opposed to fraud, deceit, and manipulation

Additional Clarification:

I added this to a comment further down, but want to make sure it isn't lost below:

"I said 'sex-addict type behavior' because whether or not an addiction is part of the equation is not very relevant to me. His behavior escalated from strip clubs + touching, to hiring escorts and not having sex, to hiring escorts and having sex, to getting on sugar baby websites, etc. He embezzled money from our family business into secret bank accounts to fund his hobby. This is all while pretending to be in a monogamous relationship with me. If this type of behavior were done in a business partnership, rather than a family setting, we would rightly acknowledge that one partner is exploiting the other and the benefits of the partnership utilizing fraudulent misrepresentation. In addition, my health was recklessly endangered. I relied on his promises and made irreversible life choices based on his intentional deceit. Again, in business, when someone has relied on your word to their extreme detriment, this is taken very seriously. Of course this life experience has traumatized me and our children. The thing that has most profoundly harmed each member of my family is my children's father, not the Mormon Church. Luckily, my children don't have much exposure to the Mormon Church."

Discovering this behavior was completely shocking partly because it is so vastly contrary to the person he presented himself to be, to myself, our kids, and the community, as a classy, good family man. I did see selfishness during our decades of marriage, but this seemed completely out of character. While cheating/dishonesty happens in all groups of people, I do think that a higher number of ExMos use the experience of leaving Mormonism as a justification/rationalization for harmful behavior that they wouldn't otherwise excuse. I am hoping that we will collectively call that out and refuse to continue to justify ourselves when we harm others.