What destroyed your testimony?

It’s extremely difficult to cultivate one. It’s one of the nearly-impossible tasks that we’re forced to endure.

It’s a palpable feeling when it’s rapidly taken away. Even with extreme cognitive dissonance there are some events which a testimony cannot survive.

I can remember two major events. When Gordon B. Hinckley issued his challenge, he promised the spirit, a measure of obedience and a stronger testimony. I completed the challenge and the lack of fulfillment as well as the content of the book had left me without. It was unprocessed, as a reading marathon leaves one exhausted however it was a long-term blow that I circle back to many times in my life. There’s a large difference in how we interact with the church after having read the book. It becomes immediately apparent how many of the members haven’t. (I’ve heard former Christians can have a similar reaction to reading the bible.) I also remember when my brother, who shared most of our lived experiences and environments such as the compulsory church attendance and generally most of the same church leadership and Sunday school had arranged to have a private moment of interrogation. He was manipulative much like our caregiver but his intent was clear. He wanted to know if I truly believed and I had realized that it was a theft. That once I had announced my “belief” it no longer was true. That the situation I was in, being compelled to bear witness was part of the systematic harvest of “testimony.” This institution could not exist in front of the Lord. Being “spiritually vulnerable” to a predator wouldn’t be possible if the LDS faith and community was true as it had been presented to me.

Anyway enough with mine. I want to hear about the moments when members here had a grand crisis in belief. I understand it’s probably not everyone. Some of us have a more gradual offramp, I’m certain. But for those of you who have had an instantaneous spiritual death, I’d like to hear the details.