Need to vent

This might be kind of long, but i cant think of anywhere else to talk about this. I live in utah (17F), and almost everyone I know is mormon. Utah county, one of those towns where everyone and their dog is mormon. And im sick of it.

Im sick of having to hide who I really am. I stopped believing around 2 years ago, and this community helped me to see the truth about the church. But ever since then, I've had to play the role of a "perfect mormon girl". Its agonizing. I'm basically forced to go to church and seminary, knowing this church is a fraud, knowing what it really is and how it was founded. And i can't tell anyone. Everyone around here is mormon. Lots of people at my school are mormon. And im getting fed up. I just want a place where I can be normal and not have to worry about this stuff. And no, I can't tell my parents about this. They're hard core republican, hard core mormon. If they found out that I didn't believe in the church, I'd be sent straight to the bishops office or disowned. Doesnt help that im omnisexual too, in a family full of mormon trump supporters.

I'm just tired of all this, and I need to tell someone about it. I've wanted to tell people, let people know what I really do believe, but I can't. If someone finds out and tells my parents, I'm done for. I was planning on leaving the church when I go to college (utah tech) and cutting contact with my parents, but my parents wont support me financially if I go there and I feel trapped. They want me to go on a mission even though i'm a girl and they want me to go to BYU. Both of those I'm not doing, and I dunno how to tell them I dont want to without hinting I don't believe in the church. I've also had to teach a young womens lesson last week, and it was hell. I felt sick talking about made up stories that didnt even happen (ether) and having to talk about how it relates to my life. My parents are also pushing me to get my patriarchal blessing, which I also don't want. Mainly because I've had a bad experience with a stalker in the past with his blessing. Plus, it's just a fortune telling anyway, so why bother.

I also had tithing settlement today too (or whatever it's called) and i broke down crying when I came home. I forced myself to pay tithing because I worked earlier this year, needed to keep up the image, all that stuff. But in the bishops office i felt so sick and so guilty. He asked my family how we felt on paying tithing (individually), and I badly wanted to say it was pointless. That it was a waste of time and money. But no, I had to say it was a commandment, that it's good for you, etc. I just want this church to burn to the ground. I don't know how ANYONE can believe in something so stupid, cultlike, brainwashing, and flat out evil. NOTHING that the church teaches is good or true. Im tired of the lies. Im tired of hiding. I want to be like you guys, free of the church and living your best life. I envy you guys. But I'm trapped for god knows how long. And im just getting fed up of everything.

Sorry for the long rant, just needed to get it off my chest. If anyone has any advice for surviving until at least may (when I graduate), I'll gladly take it.