Going “straight to the source” when leaving the church?

I’m assuming everyone did this in some form or another but for me, my “shelf” got big enough at some point that I decided to put it all aside and ask God directly. Sounds obvious, I know, but it took a lot of mental strength for me to even ask because it meant admitting to God that I had doubts. My prayers started out with “what’s the deal with all this wild stuff I’m learning?” And gradually got deeper to “God are you really there?”

I told myself that no matter what I’ve learned or heard, if God answered me I’d put that above everything. If he said it was true I’d put aside all the shelf items. If he didn’t answer, then I’d leave the church.

I wasn’t expecting a vision or anything, but I did have one criteria for an answer: that when I got His answer, I’d be 100% sure that it was from Him (and not some random thought or getting the chills or having a wild coincidence happen) I just wanted it to be clearly from him. I mean, there are dozens and dozens of scriptures very clearly stating that God answers prayers, and for the first time I was putting it to the test, and I wasn’t accepting anything other than a clear communication from God.

….I’m 2 years in, praying hard for a clear answer with no answer yet. I’m fine waiting, and I’ll keep praying, but at some point I’ve decided to just do what my wife and I think best for our family.

Can anyone relate?