is there anyone on here who experienced ego dissolution and their mind completely rejected it?

i ask because this is my current experience. the fear and terror of losing everything i thought i knew about “myself” was too severe for my “human” to handle. i basically gaslight myself into the belief im just insane because ego or not, living a life of what REALLY is feels like simply too much. its too much on this human being I’m inhabiting. i would rather live a false life of illusion thats more comfortable than accept what truly is, ego or not. anyone else?