I spent Christmas alone but didn’t plan to

My family aren’t terrible, but emotionally avoidant and we butted heads over Christmas (I’ve been very depressed and nobody checks in, just tries to smooth things over). They were going to the family get together and I last minute decided not to. Now I’m regretting it, which is totally foreseeable. I do this where I just don’t want people looking at me and asking about things or worse not asking about things (I’ve had an admittedly terrible year) so I basically spent Christmas alone despite travelling to be there. It’s very easy not to turn up, it’s not like people check up or anything. Anyway, I went home fully intending to attend everything and basically stayed alone. Don’t know why I do this