Does anyone else wish they would just hit you?

I am going through really bad emotional/verbal abuse, bordering on physical, without him hitting me yet. He has thrown stuff within my vicinity (yet not at me), broken stuff, kicked things, pounded his fists, punched things, and displayed aggression. But never hit me. Never harmed me. I do not have bruises or injuries. He has intense rage issues (he has BPD) but has promised he would never lay a finger on me to hurt me.

I have always told myself I draw the line at physical abuse. That if he ever laid a finger on me, if he ever hit me, threw something at me, or strangled me, I would be done, no matter how much I love him, no matter how addicted I am to him, no matter the trauma bond. He knows this.

I know the relationship is not healthy. I know he's abusive to me, even though he hasn't hit me, and that I should leave. I know it's ruining my mental health and it's not good for me. But I love him, care for him, feel addicted to him like a drug, and I cannot bring myself to survive the withdrawals of each time I think about, prepare to, or attempt to leave. I am like a heroin addict, and I think that him hitting me is the only way I could ever break out of it.

So I wish he would just hit me so I could snap out of my insane addiction and leave. I obviously don't want to be injured badly, and I don't mean to say this to make light of or invalidate anyone who has been beaten/experienced physical abuse. But I'm wondering if anyone else feels this way?