I think I have to make myself do this

This morning my husband started out as soon as I opened my eyes. He came in the room (we sleep separately now) and refused to say good morning to me but blames it on me saying “good morning to you too”. I rested a bit then he barged in yelling and cursing at me with our baby in his arms about some bags I have in the hallway full of clothing I got for his daughter that I need to sort and put away. It’s been there 2 days. Ive been busy with the baby and over things. All day he texted me how my parents raised me wrong, im a bad mom, he can do everything I can do only better, etc etc

Every day he says he wants to leave me and he’s not happy. He will not forgive me for hurting him 2 years ago when I was at my darkest hour, dealing poorly with grief from 3 back to back miscarriages and emergency surgeries. I changed my ways. I apologized but I can’t go back in time.

He hasn’t laid his hands on me since the baby was brand new. She’s almost 11 months now. He did hit me and choke on me and climb on top of me and put a pillow over my face while I was pregnant. And he used to do a lot of physical stuff but not anymore.

He does get angry and threaten to hit me or kill me.

It seems like he wants to text toxic things and make me feel bad and I don’t have the energy to argue anymore. If he needs to think I’m bad then let him.

I have to go through hours and hours of video/audio recordings, texts, photos and come up with some sense of organization tonight because I think tomorrow I need to go to a domestic violence agency. He threatens all the time to take the baby. I told him it’s fine if he doesn’t want to come home tonight when he said he’s staying with a “friend” and “they” are very supportive of him. I think this is my chance. If I show my evidence he will be arrested and I will get an order of protection I hope. He is family with a Supreme Court justice so I’m not sure if anything will go in my favor but I can’t live like this anymore.

I can prove he has hit me while pregnant, threatens to take the baby and rarely let me see her, drives with no license or insurance, lost both those things to financial irresponsibly, that he used my paid off car as a down payment on a car he put in his name, he convinced me to put enormous amounts of cash to his business, he convinced me to put him on my credit cards then maxed them then got me to take out a personal loan to pay the cards and maxed them again, he agreed to pay the payments but didn’t and let everything go to collections, etc etc. there’s more that I will be reminded as I go through everything. It’s all traumatic and I don’t want to deal with it. But he will never love me and he will always emotionally abuse me.

As I was writing this he walked in and says he will stay her until he finds a place to go. I feel broken.