When does it stop hurting?

My partner just broke up with me for good. She decided she couldn't be in a relationship one month ago because she just had to much in her life. I couldn't believe this. She was my person. The one that made me believe even I a demisexual neurodivergernt guy could find love. The one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. But she trough us away. I was hurting and I didn't want it to be true. I kept crying for weeks. But I couldn't keep going on like this. I had to make a cut, so I send her our couples gifts back while she was in her home country. And now she has the audacity to chat me: "I don't see a future for us" She was the one who ran. She was the one left us. Then why do I feel like the one who ruined our only chance at a future? And when does it stop being so painful?