Was I too honest / blunt? (Boundaries around comms & selfies after 1 date)

Thanks for reading its lengthy!

I (37F) Went on a first date with a guy (38M) on Thursday night, we exchanged quite a few voice notes back-and-forth (in Bumble) in the run up and he admitted that he was quite a talker and I got that sense l, his messages were very chatty, but it was nice because he also asked a lot of questions about me.

He was texting me on the day of the date (Thurs) asking about my day, what doing for lunch etc (i guess a little bit pointless questions maybe seen as we were meeting in a few hours) I was busy with work, so I said I just sent one saying I’m juggling a few bits let’s just catch up later? (to try and stop the flow of constant messages) he was fine with that - we met had a good time, loads in common, both done soul searching/therapy etc / both were previously engaged but not married years ago etc. work in similar fields.

he asked to extend and we moved onto dinner, lots of chatting on both sides and a good hug and a kiss at the end.

He did try to overshare about some bad first dates and I politely steered the convo saying I’d rather not discuss other dates on our first dates, he agreed and then right at the end of the date as we paid the billl he dropped the bombshell of what this girl had done (not a nice visual - think public urination vibes) I was like jokey but said “I asked you not to tell me that, it’s gross!” He sort of laughingly apologised.

I just let that slide as he seemed nervous and I think it slipped out.

He made it clear he likes me and wants to see me again - we texted once we both got home, he said I looked stunning but he was too nervous to say on the date which was sweet. we’ve agreed we wanted a second date but he’s going away today until Sunday for the weekend so we haven’t set a date.

Yesterday (the day after the date) he was sending quite lengthy messages with questions again on text and in voice notes and I guess for me I’m probably more keen to just have the 2nd date set and then continue to get to know each other in person rather than cover too much on phone. he was asking about films and food and preferences, what I’m doing today etc, I was slow in my responses but sent some thoughtful enthusiastic ones but I kind of paced them out by about 4 hours each time purposely try and slow it down whilst making it clear im still interested.

In messaging he asked me specifically about what time I was going out last night to meet friends for dinner and if I’d be ‘looking hot again’

It felt like a prompt for a picture so I sent a slightly jokey message back saying ‘I’m not that girl thats gonna be sending you a selfie yet’ and said I’d take it as him trying to give me a compliment and just being fun :)

I could sense already he’s someone who likes to be in touch quite a lot so I wanted to sort of set an a mini boundary - like I’m not gonna be sending you my outfits for approval before I go out.

He replied back with a selfie of his self in bed! Not a nude/dic pick, it was just top half of his chest & head with duvet/covers on saying ‘he was having an early night before his trip tomorrow’ (this was 7pm)

I was little taken aback because I just said I wasn’t the kind of person to send selfies but I suppose he can do what he wants to do but I didn’t expect a bed shot and it just felt too intimate and too soon so I sent a voice note to him (and I was right outside the restaurant at this point last night to meet my friends so it’s a bit rushed)

I just said im not sure if he was just being ‘fun’ but I’m not into sending selfies until a few more dates/we know each other better it’s just a bit too intimate for me and also I think I prefer to catch up in person. I said we should set our second date and added that I don’t like being on my phone /messaging too much, but I’m willing to a little bit, but would def prefer to get to know you more in person.

I also said if he’s busy on this work trip he shouldn’t feel he has to check in too much over the weekend while you’re away but that I look forward to kind of meeting in getting to know you better.

I think I worded it reasonably and it was more just saying like I didn’t want him to send those and I wasn’t going to send them and trying to parlay that I’d prefer to kind of slow the messages and wait to meet in person. I ended with wishing him happy sleep and safe travels.

He read that at like 7 o’clock last night and I’ve not heard anything from him since (now lunchtime here) I know he’s been up since 4 AM this morning for his flight and would have had time in the car on the way to the airport to reply. so I guess maybe was I too upfront / shamed him for the selfie or made him feel embarrassed?

Should I not have said I wouldn’t accept selfies (and waited until we next met to broach comms?) Also now I’ve said I’d prefer not to do long messages versus just wanting to meet in person.

I feel like he’s shut down now (or respecting my request?) so I just need to wait and see if he confirms about the 2nd date.

I suppose I expected or hoped for (even a brief) reply or acknowledgment to what I’d shared about meeting in person etc

Feel like I’ve scared him off with my boundaries. Have I overreacted about the selfie.

(Yes I am an over thinker too - and it’s hard to find people you click with so I’m a little invested)

Any thoughts appreciated

(I’m trying hard to be more straight forward in dating now but in a kind boundaried way. whereas before I probably would’ve just accepted his pace of messaging and type of message and probably gone against my instinct & Sent a selfie back and engaged in for the long messages - so I’m pleased I stood my ground but I think now he’s just like disappeared which is a shame because he actually seems cool. But I suppose if he can’t manage my small boundary request now then maybe it’s best to know)