Why do I (F, Bi) attract secretly gay/bi men?

I’m a 41F, bi. I wanted to marry a straight man. I did not want to deal with my husband wanting to have sex with both men and women, him leaving me for a man, deciding he wanted to become a woman, amongst other insecurities of dealing with the unknown in my 20s. I could be bi, but he definitely could not. I now know that was irrational thinking.

I lost my virginity to a man who told me his deepest darkest secret: he used to jerk off with his best male friend when he’d come to visit from out of state. Always questioned if that meant he was gay? I didn’t like him much so didn’t think much of it, and we broke up after 3 months.

I first became engaged at 25 to Luke. There were many signs that he was gay. A huge red flag was when he told his male best friend's parents we were engaged, the mother responded with, "We thought you were gay!!" I said nothing, was in shock. Many other instances arose, like his best male friend's gf telling me there were rumors her bf and my fiancé contracted herpes together. (Luke hid his herpes from me until he had an outbreak at 6 months of dating) and when I found out his male best friend had herpes too, I wondered..then my fiancés parents told me they thought Luke was gay with his best male friend since they spent all their time together in high school. My fiancé told me he “appreciated the muscular male figure.” When my mom mailed me my bridesmaid dress for her wedding to my stepdad, Luke put on the dress and sent me a picture; when we went on a cruise, he volunteered to wear a leopard print bra in front of thousands of people …

We got engaged after 1 year of dating and I HAD to know if he was straight. So I put a tracker on his laptop. He worked from home, and turned out everyday on his lunch break he would watch gay porn. Asian men making love. Cum circles, always lots of ejaculation compilations, searches for male biggest penis porn stars..EVERYDAY. I was convinced he was gay, but I never said anything to him. I kept it all inside, and one night I went through his phone, he found out, and we got into a huge fight. I decided to just leave him then and there, flew across the country and never saw him again. He’s now married to a woman and has 2 kids…I wonder if she knows?

Next Fiancé at 28, Bill, my gay radar was on high alert. What was very weird about this man, Bill, is he always wanted to know everything about different men I dated. In bed, he would masterbate asking me how big the dicks were of other men I slept with, what they did to me, etc. I could tell he got very turned on by this, so I would make things up: what I did with the guy, how big he was, everything. It became a game to me…because I basically knew at that point. We owned a store together, and when obviously gay men came in, he would say with a sly smirk on his face, “Do you think he’s gay?” And in my mind I thought, “why does that even matter??”

4 years pass, and I was checked out of our relationship for many reasons, including his 30 year addiction to steroids, pain pills and severe abuse. So, I wanted to know for sure if he was gay too. I set him up. I had a serious conversation with him about possibly having another man join us in bed. He LOVED the idea. So, I gave him one of my glass dildos, and asked him what kind of dick did he want? (I was hoping he would say he didn’t want any…) but he said, “HARD” and proceeded to suck the dildo! so..he was gay or bi too.

2 for 2 gay ex fiancés.

I was very traumatized after that relationship, so I was single for 5 years. Regrettably, I chose Ryan, the most abusive, horrible man I ever met to be my next serious boyfriend. When we had sex, he loved watching himself in the mirror, a little weird, but I didn’t think anything of it gay wise. Then one day Ryan’s face was over my stomach, and he said, “I wish you had something right here that I could suck on.” Another time he told me he jerked off with some random guy in a gym locker room bathroom. So yeah, he was bi or gay too.

After Ryan, I dated Bryan for 6 months. He only liked sex if my thick curling iron was shoved all the way up his butt. He had the loosest butthole I’ve ever felt in my life. Made me wonder what else or how often it was stretched. I didn’t care much if he was gay because we had no future, so we just broke up and he died a few months later.

That might be 5 gay guys I’ve dated. Is that abnormal? Can anyone relate to dating lots of secretly bi or gay men?