I wish I never told my ex-girlfriend that I cheated on her.

My ex-girlfriend and I dated for 2 years. We met in college. She is so perfect. Beautiful, smart, everything you could want in a woman. Our relationship was like a dream, we had so much in common, we made each other so happy. She was my best friend. Every single day we’d see each other. We were embedded into each other’s lives.

I really did think that she was my soulmate. I thought nothing could separate us. We had difficulties in the beginning of 3rd year. She was so busy with schoolwork and we saw less of each other. One night after a fight, I went to a party. I got drunk and I made out with a friend of mine. Nobody saw.

I felt so guilty afterwards. I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t eat. I didn’t know what to do. I thought the best policy would be to come forward. I confessed to my girlfriend that I made out with another girl. I thought she’d forgive me, but I had I known her real reaction, I wouldn’t have said a word.

She was so angry at me. She went home to “think”. She forgave me, and we continued to be together for 2 weeks. After, she pulled me aside and said she couldn’t do it anymore, that she couldn’t trust me and that she’d never see me the same way again. Although she still cared for me, she just couldn’t be with someone she didn’t trust. And that was that.

It was devastating. When she left me it was like a part of me was gone. I regretted telling her about my slip up, why couldnt I have just shut my mouth? Its not like I would have done it again.

About 1 or 2 months later, she started dating someone else. The first time I saw them together, my heart broke. It just didn’t feel right. She should be with me.

Their relationship progressed really fast. I go on her social media from time to time, and they look so happy and in love. They’re a beautiful couple. I cant help but wonder if she loves him more than she loved me.

Today I found out that he proposed to her. Maybe it’s just a strange coincidence, but exactly 1 year ago on this day, she left me. Now she’s engaged to another man. Now she’s going to start her life with another man.

God, I just keep thinking: “It should have been me, it should have been me.” How would my life be if I had never kissed another girl? If those 8 seconds never transpired? If I never told her? Then we’d still be together, I’m sure of it. She would be in my arms right this second, instead of another man’s.

I wish I never cheated on her. I wish I never even told her.