I can't live like this, Iam getting progressively more hopeless and suicidal, help

I've been suffering with chronic back pain for over 2 years now, as well as depression, anxiety and c-PTSD. The pain is the worst tho. It's caused by compressed and bulging disc between L5/S1, causing constant pain in my back, and nerve pain in bladder and legs.

It torn my life apart, my mental health is worse than ever, I spiralled into drug abuse because of getting next to no treatment despite doing what I could, I managed to stabilize my use somewhat tho. I can't function normally, but I have to get a job because insurance stopped paying me.

I don't feel like myself anymore, I don't even recognize myself. I hate what I've become. It's ruining my relationship with my gf, and it feels like we are close to breaking up, she's the last good thing left in my life. I lash out, not because Iam angry, but because I can't take the pain anymore, but people interpret it as anger, causing issues.

There's nothing that can be done to actually fix the pain.

I can't live in this agony for the rest of my life, it's torture. Iam considering ending it all at this point, I don't want to, but it feels like the only way to stop this suffering.

I would be thankful for any advice or anything. I can't live like this