Can your perception of dating be destroyed behind a bad relationship?

Ok so before this relationship I had never dated and due to being on the spectrum with my struggles with social skills and not being good reading social ques I never thought it was going to happen. I don’t have very much family and my sister was like I should just focus on other things instead. Well in 2020 it finally did happen the thing is it turned really badly as many of you seen on some of my other posts I was call horrible names I was hit multiple times and many times throughout the relationship I felt on an island that no one cared about me or wanted to protect me. This has lived with me far after the relationship ended in 2023 because it’s established that I made a horrible choice in judgement and that I never read the girl correctly which is how I landed in the relationship. Secondly it destroyed my self esteem in new ways because her family her fiends our mutual friends no one seemed to care that not only was she calling me horrible names she was physically being abusive. Before we left the apartment she was in the living room and I was living In the bedroom every night I had to barricade my door because that’s the level of fear and mistrust that it fell to she knew she could do anything and can get away with it and I started to truly become concerned for my safety. After this I no longer have the same positive outlook on relationships I truly wanted to find a girlfriend, cause also throughout life I have never really known what it’s like to have friends either. All I ever needed was just that 1 special person.