trying to accept i’m an atheist

there is practically no chance of me ever believing in god again. i grew up in a catholic family and my grandma is really religious. i’m in a catholic school and have been in catholic school all my life, (which sucks so so bad). i used to be really into my faith but after all the shit i’ve been through and what not, it led me away. there’s so many questions that are in my mind and everytime i ask them, a christian/catholic doesn’t actually answer and just guilts me or gives an answer that doesn’t actually answer my question.

i’m having a hard time accepting i’m atheist. i thought for sure i was agnostic, but i realized that it’s not a matter of “i don’t know” it’s a matter of “there can’t be a god” it just makes no sense to me whatsoever of there being a god. anyways i just wanted to share. if anyone has advice on how i could accept the fact i am atheist, let me know.