I’m at the end

I’m old, single, poor, and have no family. I used to have something to believe in and that’s what’s kept me going for so long. But now I’m hopeless. I don’t have a dream anymore.

My childhood was abusive and neglected. I’ve struggled with alcoholism and addiction. I have overcome a lot of bullshit and just kept pushing forward to get better. To get help. To be the somebody I always hoped I would be one day. I just want to feel safe and that’s not easy when you’re different from what some would consider “ normal”. I’m queer and quite possibly neurodivergent and though times have been tough, I survive.

People think I’m great. They love me, I know, but they don’t know how lonely I am. I have my privacy and my independence and if those are gone, I don’t want to live anymore.

I’m isolated and feel that I’m just sinking further into despair everyday. Perhaps it’s this crazy planet we live on and I’m just feeling all the madness.

But at my age, there’s not much more room to grow.

I think I’m at the end of my rope and I should plan for the inevitable. I’m so close to being destitute and homeless. I just can’t stress about it anymore.

Is there even a future to believe in?

I’m old, single, poor, and have no family. I used to have something to believe in and that’s what’s kept me going for so long. But now I’m hopeless. I don’t have a dream anymore.

My childhood was abusive and neglected. I’ve struggled with alcoholism and addiction. I have overcome a lot of bullshit and just kept pushing forward to get better. To get help. To be the somebody I always hoped I would be one day. I just want to feel safe and that’s not easy when you’re different from what some would consider “ normal”. I’m queer and quite possibly neurodivergent and though times have been tough, I survive.

People think I’m great. They love me, I know, but they don’t know how lonely I am. I have my privacy and my independence and if those are gone, I don’t want to live anymore.

I’m isolated and feel that I’m just sinking further into despair everyday. Perhaps it’s this crazy planet we live on and I’m just feeling all the madness.

But at my age, there’s not much more room to grow.

I think I’m at the end of my rope and I should plan for the inevitable. I’m so close to being destitute and homeless. I just can’t stress about it anymore.

Is there even a future to believe in?