Considering SMBC at 37

Hi, thanks in advance for taking the time to read this post.

I am taking a year to reflect on all aspects of this decision, including talking with other SMBC and DCP. I am a single, 36 y/o female living in a rural beach town with a solid community. My immediate family lives 8 hours away (3 brothers and 2 parents) but I have a strong network of friends in this area. I own my own home, have an advanced degree, and am starting my own business (flexible, WFH, can afford a nanny). I am financially secure. I have been in therapy since I was 14 years old. My family was dysfunctional, and my dream is to provide a stable, happy home for a child - therapy has helped me understand what that looks like. I have dated a lot, but I am hyper independent and have a hard time fitting into a traditional heterosexual dynamic, and have carried trauma from my family of origin throughout life - this has been a barrier in my romantic relationships. I truly love being on my own and I don't want to marry for the sake of having a baby - I want to marry because I want to spend my life with the person. And I don't want to bring a baby into a less than ideal relationship, for the sake of the baby. The process of finding a life partner can't be rushed. That being said, I want a baby very badly, more than I want a husband. I believe having a baby is selfish but raising one is selfless. I recognize there is selfishness in my decision. But I also recognize that I can give my child an excellent life, with a great community, good schools, outdoor activities, extracurricular activities, and travel. They will know and be close with my immediate family though they live a few hours away. They will have my full attention and all my love.

I have chosen a sperm donor from a sperm bank that is contactable (the sperm bank explained that his identity will be released when the child is 18 and he is open to being contacted, but that he can still refuse contact - confusing). I plan on having my child know from the very beginning how they were conceived and that there is zero shame in their existence. I guess I struggle with the guilt of feeling like I might be bringing them into a situation of perceived lack - the absence of a father. I wonder how other SMBCs reckoned with that decision, or if DCPs experienced this, and how they overcame it. Thank you for your time and thoughts!