Why Can't I Express My Feelings?

I'm an INFJ-T (Advocate). Since childhood, my mother (a homemaker) has been emotionally unavailable to us. That doesn’t mean she wasn’t the best—she has done a lot for us, struggled, and worked hard. But I always used to wonder why she didn’t pamper us or show emotions like other mothers. (I’ve never compared her to anyone and won’t do that, but this is something that has always stuck with me.) She never showed us love, emotions, or empathy. Yes, she used to get angry, but she never expressed herself.

Now, I see the same traits in myself. I have empathy for others and can totally understand their feelings, but when it comes to me, I can hardly express my own emotions to someone. I usually keep it to myself (which my family knows). Recently, I’ve started sharing small problems with my friends or cousins, but I’ve never received a satisfying response or anything close to what I was expecting. (I understand that everyone is different and has their own way of expressing themselves.)

Still, I’ve never fully expressed what I feel to anyone, and it’s starting to affect me—overthinking and sleeping late at night. I don’t have trust issues or anything like that; it’s just that even with people I’m comfortable with, I hold back my emotions and don’t express them.

I feel like I’m becoming like my mom—unable to express my emotions—and I want to change this.

I tried writing down my thoughts, but it didn’t work for me.