Medication isn't for me.

(Just want to preface this - I'm in the UK so I'm limited by what the NHS provides and then whether or not it's licsensed in the county that I'm in (honestly, I'm not really sure how it all works lmao))

I posted this yesterday because after going through titration for over a year, and trying all of the medication on offer (Elvanse/Vyvanse, Methylphenidate/Concerta, Atomoxitine/Strattera) with no change in my symptoms - I didn't really know how I was supposed to feel? Unfortunatley after my latest medication review (finished like an hour ago lmao) me and my prescriber agreed that medication just isn't going to work for me (I wanted to stay on Metylphenidate a little bit longer to see how it worked whilst I was at uni but it raises my heart rate too much - it does something I guess???)

I'm just super disapointed that I'm not going to get the results that I wanted. Maybe I'm expecting too much? Like a part of me knows, logically, that medication won't cure me but I just want to not feel like my brain isn't being pulled in every direction when I'm trying to focus, I just want my brain to be quiet, I want to be able to know that I need to do something and just do it - not think about doing it for hours and hours and hours.

I WANT TO BE ABLE TO WRITE A REDDIT POST AND IT NOT TAKE AN HOUR BECAUSE I GET DISTRACTED!

I just hoped that being on medication would just make things easier, and then it'd be easier to work on my coping mechanisms and stuff.

But god it's just so difficult, (and I know I'm probably coming off as childish because life can be hard) and exhausting trying to unlearn decades of unhealthy coping mechanisms and then learning better, more productive ones. Trying to navigate through things that work and things that don't.

Sorry this is such a ramble I'm just frustrated and UGH. Maybe I'm being overly dramatic? Idk I'm sad and I cried into my lasagna lmao