Pointers for my sabbat Malk

My malks insanity is he hears the voice ofCain, the voice is generally pretty silent until I act against the idea of cain (using parts of the path of Cain to help mold this insanity).

This is our fist sabbat game we are shovelheads though this is not my first vampire game.

The part I'm a little hung up on is actually rp in the sabbat, they are supposed to embrace the monster inside. So far I've had my poor malk freaking out about feeling less human (low humanity), me and the DM write in a notebook when I'm "arguing" with Cain. But how do you embrace being a malk, without it losing the horror aspect of being insane?