18 year old daughter can’t stay safe online.

UPDATE: Thank you so much to everyone that has offered advice, resources and kindness-I really appreciate it. I wrote the post and many of the responses at 3:00am when I couldn’t sleep from worrying.

She’s my stepdaughter (although she’s had zero contact with her mum for 3 years, so I’ve taken on the role a mum often would) and it’s been a tough few years navigating the impact of neglect, new diagnoses and trauma.

My partner and I have come up with a long term plan based on the ideas and resources many of you have put forward.

• Find my phone must remain active on her phone (not for snooping, but in case of emergency). She’s proven she can’t keep herself safe.

*We’re installing BARK on her devices that will alert us to messages with concerning content without the need to for us to read all of her messages.

*Shes going to undertake some more online safety courses and summarise and discuss her understanding of these with us.

*We’ll draw up online expectations with visuals of what can and can’t be shared online and with whom. This must be signed.

*We’ll develop an online checklist to support her interactions in the future and prevent her from getting overwhelmed and making illogical/out of character/dangerous decisions.

*She’ll work through with her counsellor why she felt the need to share so much so quickly and cross her boundaries so quickly and we’ll move forward with any recommendations.

*She’ll hold off on online dating until her self esteem, morals and sense of safety are better developed. In the meantime we’ll encourage and support her to build her hobbies, socialise with people her own age through groups and clubs. When she’s ready for online dating again, I’ll help her to work out what to look for in a suitable partner and help her to assess her instincts when interacting with people.

*We’ll work on watching the many videos, documentaries and podcasts that have been recommended.

*We’ll work on a safety plan with her to use should she get into danger in the future.

She is onboard with all of this and the seriousness of her actions seems to have sunk in.

Really not sure how to handle this. My 18 year old daughter (ADHD and ASD) is making terrible decisions online.

Over the weekend she told us she had met a boy (19) through a friend and wanted to meet up with him. We reminded her that she was an adult and that as long as she was being safe (letting someone know where she was etc) then that was fine, however the way she was acting seemed strange so we asked a few more questions and the real story was very different.

She’d actually met this boy through an app (again nothing wrong with this) and had been talking to him for 2 weeks. During this time she’d shared her full name, DOB, high school, suburb, place of work and shift times, the bus stop she uses to travel to and from work, her friends’ names and photos, details about her siblings including personal stuff and numerous photos.

He has shared a handful of photos all of which don’t show his full face or any identifiable features, very basic info about his school, job and family. He ‘jokingly’ mentions in messages about kidnapping her and says she’s shared too much information about herself with him.

He’d also randomly mentioned he owns a gun and asked if he could bring a fake gun to their meet up which she agreed to. He has also sent her $50 and bought her a gift.

She has also completely made up situations about her dad and I which she has shared with this boy, such as we’re really mean to her and we don’t let her go out, we don’t support her financially etc etc. That we’ve just come back from a long holiday and we’ve barely spoken to her except to order her around. None of which is remotely true and we haven’t even been on holiday!!!

She cannot see that the situation isn’t safe and thinks that we’re overreacting, but we are really worried about how to keep her safe online. This isn’t the first time she’s done this as she met up with a random stranger from a chat room when she was 15. She’s 18 so we can’t stop her having access to the internet, but she isn’t learning how to keep herself safe.