Should I divorce my husband

So I 26F have been married to my husband 26M for almost eight years now. We originally got married at 18 during this time I was beginning my career in the military and had already applied and got accepted into my dream school. Then I met my husband and got pregnant I was going to get an abortion but he talked me into keeping it by then I was so in love with him I would do whatever he wanted. So I kept the baby and with him also being in the military we got married and moved to his duty station 12 hours away from family. That first year of marriage was tough he hated my cooking, how I cleaned I was completely dependent on him specifically because I couldn’t drive yet. So I would be at home begging him to just take me out the house and he would refuse. Once the baby came it got worse he wouldn’t help me and would play his video game from the moment he woke up until he went to sleep. I end up punching a hole in the wall because I was so frustrated and angry. I would also force myself to have sex when I didn’t want to while pregnant and even after giving birth I did anal just to please him. Not to mention catching him talking to numerous girls and I would communicate I didn’t like it and he would ignore me. The major thing that happened that year was he told me he only married me because of my daughter. We moved out the house and into an apartment and things got better to an extent. I would still catch him talking to girls it was like a never ending cycle. I started working a lot and realized that everyone else around me noticed me except him so I communicated how I was feeling in hopes he would change. I started working tons of overtime just to be away from him. Then he gets deployed and I found out I was pregnant again . During this deployment I went to stay with my family in my home state and had to quit my job. A key detail is prior to him getting deployed that overtime was paying off and I was about to be promoted to manager at my job. Well while I tried being there for him he would brush me off and I found out he was talking to his ex and he told her that I had no motivation and that he feels like he was with me because of our daughter most days. I confronted him he apologized and I let it go. Well he gets back and we go back to our state. Our third house was pretty peaceful besides the occasional chats with girls things were looking up. Until he showed me a message from his ex stating she wanted to have sex. He replied no and stuff but I stupidly texted the girl telling her not to message him anymore. This becomes important because I had a ex boyfriend message me a year prior stating how he wanted me back and would take care of our kids. My husband got mad and wanted to message him but I told him no because he is my nephews uncle. I didn’t want any drama every time we went around him. So I blocked him and never spoke to him again. Anyway when I messaged the girl he felt slighted that I could do it and I wouldn’t let him curse my ex out. He checked out of our relationship at this point. He wouldn’t show me any interest and finally I asked what the problem was and he said he was bored in the marriage. So I started doing date nights with him putting the kids to bed . I was giving everything I had to save my marriage but he wasn’t responding. I had a dream that he cheated on me with a ex and it caused my anxiety to skyrocket because he was due to get deployed again and their was a two week period where he would be alone without me. Well we decided to make up before he got deployed because he was going to Afghanistan. Anyway during that time I was away he flew his ex out and had sex with her in my house. He then flew me out a week later being the person I dated flowers, taking me places telling me I’m his soul mate. He was everything I wanted again and then found out he cheated it hurt me and I was lost for a while. Prior to getting married I told him how cheating was the one thing I couldn’t tolerate because I had seen it happening around me all my life. I didn’t want to become a bitter person like the women in my family. Well we ended up working it out sort of he didn’t really give me space to process it. He got deployed and with all the stuff happening there I put it on the back burner to be there for him. During this time head extremely insecure constantly accusing me of cheating, trying to make me stay in the house and ruining my day every time I was having fun. He kept talking about how I was spending all his money which had been a common theme in our relationship. It’s to the point I’m afraid to buy something because of fear of how he will react . Well I will say after he got back from deployment I had my son and he changed for the better no more women, good communication skills. The only problem left was his family who he would let talk down to me and the money situation and not wanting me to change and when I do change shooting it down as just a faze. Now five years later we had twins and I’m to the point where I don’t love him anymore. The thing that made me realize this was him fixing his own plate knowing our two kids where hungry I commented that I hope it was for his kids and his daddy said that’s what I was there for. This made me feel a way and I finally felt like I was done with the entire situation. I stayed to myself for the next few days not caring about coming off rude since for the past 8 years I had been kissing their butts in hopes they would accept me . I feel numb and it felt that way after the cheating I’ve talked to my family for years about leaving but my kids have made me stay and me not wanting to hurt him. I told him recently that I think we should separate. He is devastated rightfully so since he thinks things have been great which they have. He wants to do counseling but I sort of just want to get out. I can’t even cry while he is crying his eyes out because I keep flashing back to me doing the same thing in previous years. What should I do ?