i’m terrified of being alone, although i’ve always felt lonely, and i’m pushing myself to be alone to be at peace with it, but it’s hard and id like to complain a bit

it’s hard especially being around people with families (coworkers) and really anyone who deeply values their connections. i’ve never had that, even my parents made me feel alone. i have always longed for that connection with others, to the point of it being my life line, which i understood was unhealthy. i would engage in relationships without being myself, only fawning to show them how « good » a person i am. so i decided to retreat, isolate. i’m still young so i’m appreciative i have gotten the chance to live completely alone for periods of time (petsitting/housesitting), but i’m sad and dramatic bye