You hurt me

And I forgive you for that because I have to in order to be okay. You were bad for me, and increasingly making choices that you knew would damage me. You always chose your words carefully, crafting the best ones to dig at my core and break me apart. You said you don't like hurting me, but it's something you've practiced and done so often you've perfected it. What did you get out of it? Some sick satisfaction from knowing you have control over me? Did you like to break me down just so you could put me back together again? Was I just something to amuse you when you when you were bored? A verbal punching bag for you to take your frustration out on? Why did you choose to make me disposable when all I've ever done is be here for you.

​

I loved you. Honestly I did. That's why I put up with it for so long. Giving you endless second chances. Always opening the door for you and letting you back in to my life each time you left. But you're gone now. And I don't want you back. The next time you come to my door, you'll find it bolted shut. I won't still be here in the place you left me like all the other times. I won't be waiting for you to realize that you miss me. That I'm the best thing that's ever happened to you. Unconditional love is rare to find. Back when you used to be kind to me, you once told me that I'm the only person who's ever given it to you. I hope you can live with knowing that you might never find it again.

​

There's a quiet part of me that will probably always love you. And I will always be here silently rooting for you and your growth. I hope that you work on yourself. I hope that you stop viewing people as toys that you can play with until you're bored. I don't know what happened to you to make you this way, but I sincerely hope you address it and learn to become the person I thought you were. You didn't deserve me. You didn't deserve the love I gave you. And I didn't deserve the years of hurt you inflicted on me. I realize now that I did us both a disservice when I would make excuses for you. I did us both a disservice every time you would hurt me, and I told you it was fine just because you apologized. It wasn't fine. I wasn't fine. But I will be. It's time to let this go. It's time to stop standing still, waiting for you to be ready to move forward with me. I can't keep looking back for you. So I'll say it one more time, and promise myself that this time I'll mean it. Goodbye, you. I wish you the best; I just can't be a part of it anymore.