I am facing a very uncomfortable workplace scenario that I need advice on.

UPDATE: I reported him and my supervisor was very appalled that my coworker did this. They are going to take formal actions through the university channels now. Hopefully he never does this to anyone again!

Hey everyone. Here’s the background information. I F(25) am facing a uncomfortable situation with my M(35-40) coworker. This person to my knowledge is married with a kid, which makes the situation feel so much worse. I am an RA at a university graduate program, and this coworker used to be in my program but has since recently graduated. He is now teaching (adjunct) and still a researcher, but technically above me now. The events in this post lead up to the current and most creepy situation.

It basically started when I noticed that he would always pay extra attention to me. I would go to mandatory meetings, and he would always sit by me and want to chat both before and after the meeting. He also once called my subfield of research “something women do” which made me sad and uneasy. To which I tried to advocate that that statement was incorrect, it’s actually male dominated, and convey that his point was demeaning to women.

This was only the beginning. That then led to staring inappropriately during required meetings. I would feel weird and intimidated and try to look at the person speaking. When I would check around the room, he would still be looking at me. Now, I brushed this off as not a big deal. Didn’t say anything. I told myself maybe I am misinterpreting things.

One day he insisted on walking with me to a meeting that I had to attend. The meeting was for the department we do our coursework for so technically he was invited. Yet, the only time he showed interest in these meetings is when he realized I attend and he could walk me. He sat right next to me in the meeting. He offered to walk me to my car after, to which I declined. I also had to then wait a bit because I didn’t know if he’d follow me or not.

In all of the behavior he exhibited I just hoped maybe he’d stop and get that I am uninterested. I hoped maybe I made it a bigger deal in my head than it was.

All of the above are past events, before he got his graduate degree and got a slight promotion. The below happened yesterday, and are now my cause for panic and alarm.

A few days ago, I received a time-sensitive research request from my RA supervisor. The coworker of concern was also emailed this, meaning him and I had to work together. I did not want to meet in person so I emailed him and told him I set up a google doc to collaborate.

The research was going fine, we both took half. I finished around last night. However, I got an email from him saying he had to teach that day (yesterday) and didn’t have much time to add certain things. So, I said I would add more sources because it’s really important my supervisor gets the research memo (he needed it this morning).

This led to him and I being on the google doc at the same time. I open the document and start reading in a different tab an academic paper. When I tab back and he sees I’m live on the doc writing, he goes to my section and writes. The text says “you’re beautiful” and then gets immediately deleted before I can screen shot it. At this point, I’m thinking wtf is this. You don’t want receipts of this so you write this in google docs?

I decided to not respond because maybe he thinks I didn’t see it. I keep writing research. He writes “attractive” and immediately deleted it. At this point I’m really getting upset.

I continue on writing the report. He seems to have went back to writing research. Then, he starts writing “:(“ and deleting them, three times. I then write in- “are you writing sad faces?”. He says “maybe lol”. Now I am convinced that he is doing this as a pity party to that fact that I did not respond to any of his prior messages.

Lastly, I start embedding all the links to the pdfs I need to. I realize he saw me do this and is copying my format right above me. But, instead of the hyperlink the words “I like you” pop up and he immediately deletes them. At this point, I tell him in an email that I am done with the task and send what is there to the supervisor.

Please help. This feels so shady- like he wanted to cover his tracks with google docs. As much as I tried, these changes were too small to account for in versions so I have no receipts. Do I report this to someone? This morning I was assigned to work with him again this week. As someone who has survived much worse (SA and harassment) this behavior is really triggering (like my brain tells me something worse might happen to me). I am afraid if I confront him it might escalate the situation. Any advice would be appreciated.

(edit was just a spelling error(s) I realized)