My sister died because of me, it's her birthday today

17m.

When I was 9 I had a little sister who was 6. We were in the front yard and my parents, as always, weren't at the house. My dad was off drinking and my mom was probably sleeping around with other people.

It was me, my older brother, and my little sister. I was supposed to be watching my sister because my brother ran inside to get his phone. I don't remember much from the event, but my sister went into the street and got hit by a car because I was distracted and wasn't watching her.

She was in the ICU for a few days but she didn't make it. I remember my mom blaming me and my brother for it, and eventually she kicked us out when I was 12 and he was 15.

I know it was my fault. I haven't told anyone I know about it because I don't want them to see me differently. My brother ended up getting shot a year ago, I miss him too.

It's my sister's birthday today, and I remember back then we would all three get together for it and celebrate on our own. My parents were abusive and always away from the house, so we really only had each other.

It feels wrong to be the only sibling to still be alive, especially when I could've prevented my sisters death. My brothers birthday was a month ago, it doesn't feel right that they're gone. I tried going to therapy and using distractions to cope with it all but nothing's working. I just want my family back

Edit - Thank you for the support, I'll try therapy again to get through it