i (17f) have been held half-captive and abused by my father for a decade

on june 3rd 2024, at midnight, i’ll be leaving. the days before, i will be packing everything i need and moving it out to my car at night when he’s asleep. i will leave a note, saying fuck off and good riddance, with no forwarding address. i have been building my plan since i was 11 years old. i’ve tried to run away on many occasion, but was always brought back by the police. years and years of conditioning have altered my brain into believing this is normal, and everyone besides my father is out to get me. all of the screaming, the slamming, the throwing, the touching, the fear of wearing anything other than baggy clothes in my own home so i don’t have to feel my own dads eyes undressing me since i was a child. my boyfriend of 4 years is with me. he’s helped build the plan, and he’s prepared to do whatever to get me out of this house. i wasn’t allowed to go to high school for over a few months at a time out of his delusions over me abandoning him and him being alone. i wasn’t allowed to have friends, go out, stay the night. i was conditioned into believing my own mother did not want a relationship with me and did not love me, not knowing that she was fighting to get me back every day. money buys power. the power to get full custody with no visitation or contact. i have been subjected to so much verbal and sexual abuse and harassment at the hands of my own father since i was 8 years old. as of late, he has begun to hide and throw away my college acceptance letters, as well as any correspondence about me graduating from my online school. he’s been stealing my clothes and sleeping with them, as well as not showering for the last 6 months and not cooking/cleaning/working for 4 years (he survives off money from my uncle and his disability). i have the responsibility of all the housework, feeding him, paying all the bills, and running all of the errands. he would be living in a box if he didn’t live in my late grandmas house. i cannot go to any of my family on his side because they will not believe me, and my mom and her family know everything but cannot do anything. my boyfriends family is also very aware, and let me live with them for 4 days after running away, until my dad inevitably called the police and had me 5150’d saying i was off my meds and nothing i was saying had any merit (i was on anti-depressants for my cptsd and was showing the officers bruises on my arms and sides from being pushed into walls.) didn’t do much good considering they didn’t believe a word i said, but at least the hospital could tell i wasn’t crazy and let me go, unfortunately back home. cps has been involved numerous times, but nothing has ever came of any of the cases, all opened and shut.

i’m not looking for advice, or for remorse. i just want to share my story. i hope someone else who is so tragically stuck like me is reading this and can see there is hope. i have to remind myself every day there is light at the end of the tunnel. i have spent so many years being abused and conditioned to believe the most incorrect ideas, and have been treated as a wife to my father. the greater pain has subsided, and i am in survival mode. on june 3rd, 2024 i will be free. my closet will have no more tally marks. i will be in my own hands, and my own hands are more powerful and full of more intention than you could ever imagine. I WILL BE FREE.