My husband told me he wanted a separation

My husband has told me I have been emotionally abusing him for a year. This all happened when I found out he was emotionally cheating on me with his ex girlfriend. I was extremely hurt and spiraled into very deep anxiety and worry that he would cheat on me again.

Recently I found out that he made fun of my breasts to his friend although one of the text was from a year ago and another from 6 months ago. It just put me in another spiral of anxiety and hurt and I just can’t help but to keep saying that to my Husband.

I have been so anxious and i can’t help but to continue to ask my husband if he’s hiding something etc. but he always called me crazy and told me I need Jesus. I don’t know why I keep mentioning to him what he did wrong and that he hurt me in the past. I know he’s been trying to do better and I know I’m so wrong for constantly brining it up but I just can’t stop myself I don’t know why.he tells me that I like to be in a dark place and I’m negative. I have no one else to talk to and I think I’m just trauma dumping continuously on him. I know it’s the past and that he’s been making an effort but I feel like I’m sinking.

Today he told me we may need a separation if I continue to be anxious and that I’m emotionally abusing him. He told me he can’t live with me unless I never get anxious and bring up the past again. He told me he will pay me $5k a month if we separate. He won’t just financially leave me since I’m a SAHM and we have a baby.

I told him I promise I won’t talk about the past or be anxious and he told me we can stay together then. but I don’t know if I can really do this. My husband told me he will never leave me but now there is a condition. If I never bring up the past again. I know I need to immerse myself in Gods word but a part of me is very sad. I feel like a part of me died. I feel like I’m broken and I have a baby and I don’t want my baby to be in a dysfunctional family.

Please pray for me. Please don’t leave comments that blame me or my husband I just need some kind words and encouragement. Thank you