Ruined

The title is self explanatory. My life is ruined. EVERYWHERE I go, reactions. Heavy reactions. So please don't come on here with that it's all in my head bs. Even neighbors and it's so frustrating because you can't really hide from them. The reactions seem to have gotten worse lately. This isn't going away. And they know it's you. I don't know what feels worse, the guilt I feel causing a whole room to react and them not knowing it's me or them knowing is me and the stares and whispers. I wish I could exsit in another life. I look at all the "normal" people who aren't afraid of interacting with others and being laid back, I look at them and honestly envy them. They have no idea how great they have it.

My favorite reaction though is when people who realize it's you causing their distress proceed to treat you like you're not human. Like you're a freak. It takes a genuine soul full of compassion to be understanding of this. I don't want whatever this is in me. It's hard not to have dark thoughts about leaving this planet if you catch my drift. There are such horrible people in this world and yet the good and decent people seem to suffer the worst. Life truly isn't fair.