failure

i failed my drivers test for the second time, which isn't what bothers me necessarily, other than the fact i feel like a failure. i just got so nervous and i embarassed myself so badly. i wish i could take back even trying in the first place, it brought back every feeling i was trying to push down and i just don't want to be alive anymore. i've tried everything i can to make myself feel better and tried to talk to everyone i could about it. i self-harmed for the first time in a while today because i just needed to let off steam and try to numb how i felt in some way, but i keep thinking i can't even do that correctly. i wish i could just retreat from society or just go to sleep and never wake up again.