I cant do this anymore

Everyone expects so much of me. College is so hard and I am not even interested in it at all. I cant stop remembering all of the traumatic things that happened to me so many years ago. No one loves me anymore or understands how I feel. I used to be able to just block everything out but now its hitting like a truck and really hard. My ex boyfriend is sending me crazy text messages and stalking me and my dad is sending me really hurtful messages. I dont know why he even had kids, its very unfortunate. I am going to get really drunk tmrw and take too many pills and just let it all be over. All of my mental health issues relate to trauma and I have tried so hard to resolve them by seeking therapy and trying different medications and nothing helped, the therapy and meds made things even worse. Everyone keeps saying I am strong but I am not strong I just need this suffering to be over. I dont care that its selfish anymore.