My final goodbye

I'm sorry for everything. I wish I was able to be strong for everyone, but I was just never built that way. It's been the same cycle of years of self-destruction and self-loathing finally becoming all consuming with no way to extinguish. There's no scenario where I'd ever be able to forgive myself, not only for everything I've done in life, but also all the amazing people in life that I've hurt and pushed away because of my toxic ways.

I'll be gone by the time you see this. I hope God forgives me. I hope the Universe forgives me for taking the cowards way out, but I simply cannot fathom being alive for another 24 hours when every second feels like torture.

So mom, tell everyone who still cares that I'm sorry for everything. Tell them that I appreciated everything everyone has tried to do for me. Tell them that my decision has nothing to do with them. This is all me.

Truth is, I've lost my sanity and will to live long ago. There are just some things I'll never heal from. Everything up until now was simply me being afraid of what comes afterwards. I was never going to make it out of this cause I was never going to get over the constant emptiness that's consumed me since I was a little boy. So don't feel sad or sorry. Know that by the time you see this, I will be at peace. So tell everyone who made me feel valued even a little bit that I am grateful for everything.

I love you mom. I love you Tyron. Farewell.