I’m Afro-Latina but have a fear of speaking Spanish because of my skin complexion.

I’m half Dominican( on my mom’s side), and for years I’ve hated speaking Spanish, because of how others would treat me. People would ridicule me in school, saying I was lying or being overly surprised when they found out I was Latina or when I would be around lighter Latinos, they would constantly correct my Spanish which made me feel hella insecure. People would just constantly assume I was lying and I internalized this to the point that I wouldn’t doubt being Latina, but I would doubt my ability to speak like a native( even though I’m more fluent than people know).

How do I get past this fear of speaking Spanish due to past negative experiences? When I’m alone, I like to make video diaries, and my Spanish actually sounds pretty decent, but when I talk to others, it’s choppy and I just sound hella unsure of myself. I want to start watching telenovelas, journalling in Spanish, and find others ways to improve my Spanish and get past this fear. I also don’t feel comfortable talking about this with my Dominican side of the family because it isn’t a shared sentiment, they all speak Spanish fluently and with confidence. I also want to add that I understand more than I can speak, because when I listen, there’s no speaking involved and Im more confident in understand, it’s the speaking that drives me crazy. Speaking Spanish feels like a daily front of the class presentation and I don’t want that.